Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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