plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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