Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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