apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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