I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
