I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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