hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
