evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
