Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
