At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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