are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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