I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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