Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
