i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
