So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Randomize
