I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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