think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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