I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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