Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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