i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize