it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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