I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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