She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
