How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
