please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
