even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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