Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
