Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
