Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
