Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
