3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
