im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
