If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
