I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
