When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
