you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
