I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
