God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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