Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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