Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
