I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
