DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
