I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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