my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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