Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
