So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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