Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
