I'm gonna have a badass scar
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
