Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's always time for handjobs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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