how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
