haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
