the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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