I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
