Having a random hookup so left but love u
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
