I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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