im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
