they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
