Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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