Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
