Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
