would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
