Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
