I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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