my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
