Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
