i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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