Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
