Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
