I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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