I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
