I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
