hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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